No Go

Well, on our way to Iowa City this morning, we received a call that neither of our two frozen blastocyst embryos had survived the thaw process. BUMMER. It was a hard thing to learn. And even though we were almost there, we immediately turned the car around and came home. I know it was best that we gave it a try, but I was sorely disappointed this morning to hear of it. I guess we'll have to try it the natural way.
It was a rotten day- mostly. I woke up at 3 a.m. with Billy vomitting. He kept it up all morning and obviously didn't go to school. At about 2 p.m. Ian struck a high fever and vomitted on the way home from the doctor in the car- yuck. Carley is still coughing too and has a runny nose.
My rather large sliver lining on this huge, dark, gray cloud of a day, was Carl's surprise that he's not taking us to my dad's for Spring break- he's taking us to DISNEY! WOO HOO. Without that knowledge I do not believe I could have survived this hellish day. He's been planning it for weeks and come to find out my parents are in on it.
So, sickness, failed transfer, upcoming Disney trip and now a vaginal infection that's keeping me up. It's certainly been a day filled with emotions.

Cryo Embryo Transfer

Well, for those of you that are following our baby progress... our appointment today in Iowa City showed my levels just where they should be. The ultrasound showed a healthy and ready uterus and ovaries of normal size and function. Wednesday we will thaw our two frozen embryos- at blastocyst stage- and they will be inserted into the uterus via a catheter. Two weeks later we will go to the lab to have a pregnancy test.
Things are looking good, however I must say the nervousness is sinking in. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love babies. But when Nurse Dee told me I could have multiples of 2 or 3, I wasn't ready for that reality. Of course, I have entertained the thought, but yikes! Anyhow, with lots of prayers and fasting (and maybe a blessing), we'll be hoping for a healthy pregnancy with little to no complications.
Then Nurse Dee explained that in the event they thaw our embryos and neither survive they will call us to cancel our transfer. That was a sad realization that we might walk away with 0. Now, don't get me wrong- the idea of twins scares me immensely, but the thought of having none from this cycle gives me a sinking feeling.
I feel well prepared for the coming reality- whatever it will be. Your prayers are ever appreciated.

100 Books

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?Instructions:1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.2) Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.4) Tally your total at the bottom.

(X+) 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
() 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
(X+) 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
(X+) 4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
(X) 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
(X) 6 The Bible –
(X) 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
() 8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
() 9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
(*) 10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
(*) 11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
( ) 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
() 13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
() 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare –
() 15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
() 16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
() 17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
(X) 18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
( ) 19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
(X) 20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
() 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
(X+) 22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
() 23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
() 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
()25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
() 26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
() 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
() 28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
() 29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
() 30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
() 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
() 32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
() 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
(X+) 34 Emma - Jane Austen
(X+) 35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
(X) 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
() 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
() 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
() 39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
(X) 40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
() 41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
() 42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
() 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
() 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
() 45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
(X) 46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
() 47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
() 48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
() 49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
() 50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
(X) 51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
() 52 Dune - Frank Herbert
( ) 53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
(X+) 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
() 55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
() 56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
(X) 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
() 58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
() 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
() 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
(X) 61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
() 62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
() 63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
() 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
() 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
() 66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
() 67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
() 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
() 69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
() 70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
() 71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
() 72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
(X+) 73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
() 74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
() 75 Ulysses - James Joyce
() 76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
() 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
() 78 Germinal - Emile Zola
() 79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
() 80 Possession - AS Byatt
(X) 81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
() 82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
(X) 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
() 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
() 85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
() 86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
(X) 87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
() 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
() 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
() 90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
() 91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
(X) 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
() 93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
(X) 94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
() 95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
() 96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
() 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
(X) 98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
(X) 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
() 100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

If you read this, you're tagged ;~)
Maybe if they are thinking an average of 6- when including those who don't read...maybe. But if they are asking readers- I think they're way off. Thanks Mary for sharing this list.

SILLY DAY

FUNNY THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

1. Ian scolded me (quite publicly) for choosing green bananas at the store, because we are supposed to pick the yellow ones. The green ones aren't ready yet. (Geez mom)
2. Billy decided to name his baby brother "Captain", so he could be our family captain. (Duh, of course. And no, we're not expecting... yet... embryo transfer is slated for next week)
3. Carl was reaching up to a top cupboard to get my Tupperware, when he came back down with it, his foot landed in the trash can.
4. Ian's foot accidentally slipped into the toilet when he was climbing up there to go potty.
5. Billy gave the weather forecast behind a waterfall at an indoor pool, he said "It looks like it will be a very rainy day out there, so be sure to wear your coat."

Just a few funny things I can remember. I know Carley's not in here anywhere, but she just wasn't funny today. Pulling books off a bookcase for fun is not funny. Ian and I had fun playing Disney Trivia, but I don't remember anything funny from our game. But it was fun.

Call for Fingernail Polish Stories...

This morning at 2 a.m. Carley joined us in bed... again! I hate this stage. So, when I woke up to an arm and leg flinging at me at 6 in the morning, I was not in a good mood. I did get up and grudgingly made heart pancakes. With everyone served we had breakfast and Carl and I exchanged gifts. I believe we were both more than satisfied with the presents we received, though not surprised. Now in a better mood I decided to try to make this a special day. After dressing my girl up in hearts I asked her if she wanted pretty fingers and toes like mommy. After all I had been pretty mean to her when she woke up whining. She was very excited about having pretty nails. It was her first time. I let her pick her color and away we went. She did surprisingly well. Then, I had a great idea- how about a glitter coat on top of her choice pink. How fun! Well, her patience is not that great. We finished up her toes and she threw something and knocked over the bottle. It looks like I got it all out of the carpet- but we'll have to wait until it's dry. Thank heaven it was clear with glitter. Now, any of you who know Carl- know he has an intense hatred of glitter anything. Let's just hope he doesn't find out! Do you have any polish stories that might make my day a little easier? I'm still stressing pretty badly about this little incident. And by the way, Carley didn't take long to make her nails look messy. Oh well, maybe I should've waited another year and maybe I will before attempting again.

A GREAT BUNCH OF LITTLE ONES!

How blessed I am! What a fun and crazy day.

Mom school was enjoyable, as always. There are usually a few moments of frustration (for me), but I am always glad I did it when the kids are gone. And crazy enough- I usually miss them soon after too! Today we read the Kissing Hand and learned more about the #9 and letter S. It was so fun to sing with them and watch them play with such great imaginations.

Thanks to JJ for letting me shop for Valentines without kids and with no notice. I just know this is going to be a great V-day. I mostly know that because I can tell Carl is hiding something from me. I love the suspense.

And tonight was NP's first Chorus practice. I really enjoyed myself and hope I can be a dedicated member. It's always nice to feel like you're doing something just for you.

And speaking of just for you nights... BOOK CLUB IS TUESDAY! We will discussing Pride and Prejudice. Please come- it'll be such a fun night. It's at Nikki's. You don't have to have read it.

Well, to finish my night I'm going to watch an old movie with my hubby and have apple turnovers with vanilla ice cream. Good night!

Sunday without Church, not without Religion

A few things I'm proud to say that I did right today...

1. Sewed up a toy bunny Billy's been asking me to fix.


2. Took a cute family photo allowing no time for changing clothes or combing hair.


3. Made valentines with the kids, for the kids grandparents- and mine.


4. Held Hartson Family Counsel.


5. Discussed our kids' strengths and our parenting strategy with Carl after reading "The Functional Family" in the February Ensign.


6. Made positive reinforcement charts for the kids shaped as CTR shields. After 15 stickers the kids can choose a movie at the video store.


7. Decided on a solution to end dinner frustration of begging kids to eat. It begins with sandwich bags on the table. We are going to all eat together and when the parents are finished eating the kids may leave the table if they're "full". If they didn't eat, oh well. They can bag up a few things before taking their dishes to the kitchen. If they complain that they're hungry between dinner and bedtime, they can go to the kitchen and retrieve something from their bag. No dessert for kids who didn't make a decent effort on their dinner.


8. And, to top all, I have raced to complete my dishwashing after each meal today.

For those who worried about me today, I have a terrible headache and stuffy nose. But these are only cold/sinus symptoms. I'm not terribly sick. Just sick enough that I don't want to share it. The kids' coughs are the kind I usually get dirty looks for when among others. So, we stayed home. Missed you though!

Funny Girl

Ewe Carley, that is not for eating! Thanks Mom, Carley loved getting cash for her birthday. No seriously, she did. She and mom had a great shopping experience that brought home a new baby- of the toy variety. Hooray for grandma money!

Ugh Carley, get that off your head- it's filthy! Yes, this is a traffic cone. But my daughter picked it up at Goodwill and knew just what it was for. Isn't she too funny! She definately takes after her brothers- Silly Goose!

Oh Carley you're so pretty! Not that my boys haven't been fun, but I couldn't try curling their hair. Daddy wouldn't have it. Here's Carley in the tub after a day of twists in her hair. Check those adorable curls.

Not Strep

That's right- Carley's the theif with Garran's hat. Guess we guaranteed ourselves a visit! HA! Isn't she adorable?

Went to the doctor and Carley and I did not test positive for strep. So, I guess I'm just being a big baby about a little sickness. Anyhow, I got off the couch and decided that I am only going to feel more sick if I lay down for the rest of the day. Now, I'm making cookies for a girl at Carl's work that is having a benefit for a friend with a very sick- terminally ill- child. Now that's a worthy cause that I feel like I can stop worrying about me for a while and work toward.
So, thanks for all of your concern. Please be aware that my hormonal attitude will probably convince me that things are the extreme in nearly all incidents. I apologize in advance for the craziness you are sure to witness. And I only hope you'll forgive me while explaining my irrational behavior to your spouses and children. :) Boy are my friends great!

I LOVE MY LIFE< I LOVE MY LIFE

I think I finally know why I can't shake this cloud that's been hanging over me. This morning I woke up with my temples, ears and glands swirling with pain. I can't believe it- after joking about getting strep so much and promising to demand my tonsils be removed if it happened again, I think it has. My throat is all red and I hurt- generally everywhere. I am so sorry if I put any of you in danger of catching it. I promise to confine myself to the house until my penicillin is distributed throughout my body. I am only hoping that my sweet Carley hasn't been the carrier- she has been miserable for nearly 2 days - but as runny nose and a cough are her main symptoms, I don't know that she's to blame. I guess we'll both be in to our doctors in the morning- the real morning where people are awake and moving about in bustling business. I'm going to see if there's any movies on- since I obviously can't get back to sleep with my aching.
And don't worry, I'm not loosing faith. I still love my life. It will be better soon.

New Haircut, Hard Day

A big thanks to Lindsay for my new haircut. Unfortunately I learned that she is not a miracle worker (though great at what she does) and I still look very much like... well, me. But a me with nicer hair. And her company this morning was a great deal better than hanging around my house.

Now for the frustrating part of my day- It seems I can make no one happy...
I got up at 5 a.m. this morning with my coughing kids. I decided blueberry pancakes and sausage would make for a nice change and proceeded with shuffling around the kitchen half asleep. Just as I was finishing cooking, Billy walks in and says, "I didn't want that, I wanted cereal". Dang it. Then, it was Ian's turn. He complained about taking Billy to school, even though I promised him a playdate with Wesley- he wanted to go back home. Then when getting dressed in winter garb to leave Wesley's he complained that he didn't want to go home- he wanted to stay there. Ah, toddlers, how fun they can be. Carley has just been difficult today. She is sick and has wanted to be held all day and everytime I could not immediately comply with her requests she fell on the floor in meltdown stage. Then when Carl came home after work, he saw my hair. He made the comment that he's not crazy about it- because it's too short. He says it looks okay, but he prefers longer hair. BLAH! Even the dog has been vexing me, he got away and refused to come to the back door. He went right to the front and waited for me to trudge through the snow and open the door for him.
So, goodnight. I am trusting tomorrow will be easier. Couldn't be too much harder, right?

Annoyed

Kids are coughing and seem to have a cold. I can't believe they're sick again! This has been the longest winter ever!
Billy has been saying "No thanks" to everything I ask or command him to do. I'm so frustrated by it.
I wonder if Carl will take the kids to visit my dad without me. It seems I need a vacation all my own.
I've been feeling shaky and dizzy lately. I'm on some new meds for this embryo transfer coming up this month. My hormones are off the wall.
I want to be my happy upbeat self, but I just feel like crying today. I can't even shake it with reading. I think I'm a lost cause and that I'd better just start over tomorrow. Maybe I'll call it a day early tonight and just let it go.

The Past

I hold on to my past memories very tightly. Growing up was a challenge as I discovered who I am. I don't like to share those memories often- as they are complicated, intense, wonderful and a myriad of other descriptions. But sometimes I like to run them through in quiet moments to myself. There are people who I have loved very dearly and I hate to see their memory fading, so I often pull my memory of them out and indulge in appreciating my life for all it has been- and it has been many things. My thanks to my God weighs heavy in my heart when I think of how he has watched over me. I only hope the memories I have left with others are sometimes perused and enjoyed and not often dreaded when they creep their way in. Sometimes I wish I could connect again with past and departed friends and family, but I often wonder if it would really be good for us. Time always changes things. I think that's all I can manage for today.